Let’s face it—living is stressful. Effectively managing stress is a master skill. Highly productive people have learned how to do it. They are what I call “the eye of the storm.”
Jim CastigliaMarcus Aurelius, the Roman Stoic philosopher and emperor, stated in his classic Meditations that one should focus only on what one can control and forget about what one can’t.
Your ability to handle and manage negative stress in your personal and professional life can pay big dividends.
The Health Benefits
Number one is the health benefits. People who manage negative stress well are healthier than those who don’t. Period. They have lower rates of heart disease, cancer, and diabetes. Keep in mind that chronic high levels of stress depress your immune system.
Number two, you can address problems better because you can think better. Keep in mind that business is a thinking sport. (Football is a collision sport.) Stressed-out people don’t think very well because when you’re stressed, your body and brain “downshift” into a protective mode (fight, flight, or freeze). As a result, your communication ability breaks down, your listening skills deteriorate, you can’t focus or concentrate, and you avoid or ignore problems. All these are bad for business.
Studies show that learning to manage the stress response opens up pathways in the brain and enables us to access important stored information we can use to address daily challenges.
Our minds are full of thoughts, and there’s constant chatter. In Eastern meditation practices, it’s sometimes compared to “the drunken monkey” that jumps from branch to branch.
Use Mental Control Techniques to Manage Negative Stress
Since stress starts in the mind, we can use mental control techniques in real life and under pressure to regain our footing, calm ourselves down, and face the challenges we all endure.
World-renowned family therapist Virginia Satir said, “Life is not what it’s supposed to be; it’s what it is. The way you cope with it is what makes the difference.”
Practically every event in your life is a mental control lesson. And how we respond is more important than the event itself.
Do you let events control you?
Here’s a simple three-step exercise from The Three-Minute Meditator by David Harp:
- Clearing the mind: quiet the chatter by focusing on counting your breaths. Inhale slowly, exhale—one; inhale, exhale—two; inhale, exhale—3; inhale, exhale—4. Then start from 1 again.
- Watching the mind: what are your thoughts about? Work related? Your health? Other people? Problems bugging you? Watch, notice, and try to “change channels” by shifting your attention to other topics. Instead of becoming involved in the specific content of your thoughts, notice how they arise and pass away. Think of watching a movie. You can get up and leave whenever you want.
- Taming the mind: Harp states, “The Mind-tamers are four key concepts: Compassion, Visualization, Relaxation, and the “Don’t Know…” (For example, what’s the answer to the question, How long will you live? Answer: don’t know.)
Relax by noticing body tension. Breathe into that area and see if you can release the tension.
Our minds are full of thoughts, and there’s constant chatter. In Eastern meditation practices, it’s sometimes compared to “the drunken monkey” that jumps from branch to branch. We’re constantly planning for the future or analyzing the past. We judge ourselves; we judge others; we exaggerate our fears (False Evidence Appearing Real; Forget Everything And Run). We’ve entertained and watched some of these thoughts for years, even decades. Try the exercise above and train yourself to master your internal world, which is one thing you can control.
Start counting and labeling your thoughts (Oh, that’s a fear thought. That’s a work though. That’s a judgment thought.) Notice your specific patterns and sequences. Pay attention to the thoughts you want to and withdraw your attention from ones you don’t want to pay attention to. Goal: control your thoughts; don’t allow them to control you.
Visualization, Relaxation, and Compassion
Use visualization, relaxation, compassion, and “Don’t Know” to tame the mind.
- Visualization is the art of creating mental images. See yourself becoming a mental master. Visualize yourself becoming more effective, more productive, more calm.
- Relax by noticing body tension. Breathe into that area and see if you can release the tension.
- Apply compassion to your thoughts. Face your inability to control everything and everybody. It doesn’t matter anyway. It’s okay. Just watch the movie. Breathe.
- Apply “don’t know” by understanding the uncertainty of living. I live in North Carolina, and I can assure you that the people in the western part of the state who lost everything in the recent hurricane and floods experienced that uncertainty directly. Truly, we don’t know what will happen, though it’s comforting (at least for a while) to think we do.
Try this three-step exercise for 30-45 days and see what happens.
Don’t hesitate to contact me if you have any questions. You can email me at jvcastiglila@icloud.com or call/text me at 949.338.7141.
